I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
