Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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