My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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