so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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