Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dear god my vagina.
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