i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
