You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
