I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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