Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Randomize
