Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
