He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
