i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
