Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
