Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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