I think my fart just growled at me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
