You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
