Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
