if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
