did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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