Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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