i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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