This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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