I didn't shave. On purpose
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
