I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
