I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
