How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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