i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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