I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
