Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
