oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
