I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
