My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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