There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
