You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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