oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
