Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
