He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
