You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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