I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
