Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have peed in a lot of sinks
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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