Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
