I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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