I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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