I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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