i think i have herpe
just one?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
