HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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