I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We need to get me chipped asap
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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