it's too hot outside to masturbate.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
