Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
