i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
