he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish my penis had an off switch
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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