I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
