I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
